This was it. The day i hated. School's back. Christmas vacation was over. Back to normal. I woke up at around 4:30 in the morning. I didn't eat much last night but still i wasn't in the mood for eating at the moment. I waited until 5:15 am. It was the official time for bathing. I kept thinking: should i really go to school- i mean yeah Matthew the guy you- damn. no. Matthew's there. He's the one most reason you don't wanna go to school remember, idiot. Still i had no choice but to attend.

Martin was the first to greet me.

"Hey Larianne!"
"Hi Martin!"
Their was silence between us. The "SILENCE" didn't include the conversation of Patrick, Theodore and Gerard, talking about some weird computer games they were addicted too.
He broke the silence.
"I brought the wallet."
"What wallet?"I was confused. I was curious.Honest.
I asked him to show it. He did. I was shocked. I never thought he'd use it.
You're the best Martin.

We had classes. What a bore. Well not for long. Science class changed my mood. I was talking to Matthew. The guy who i think I'm over with. I don't know why i turned to him. Something whispered he'll be the perfect listener.

We'll it was kinda part of the bore thing. He commented weird things.

&&SILENCE.
-they come so close too often today

"Larianne and Matthew's sitting closed to each other!" Mariah commented.

I didn't reply. What was i suppose to say? It was true. I don't wanna lie.

By that time, I decided to talk to Demi who was alone. Poor her. She was left by her friend,Pauline. I pity her.

We talked about life. To my surprise we were on the same situation.

"There's something missing. It's like you wanna leave and look for it."She'll say.
I nodded.

I noticed the coldness between me,Pauline,Cassandra and Ria. They were together. I felt like i wasn't needed anymore. I ignored them, thinking it was the best thing to do.

Finally.

The day was over. I walked long with Selina. Then we got to chat with Pauline.

"Selina! Let's talk inside the bus." Pauline invited.
"Sure thing Pau! I will if Larianne's gonna sit beside Matthew." she requested.
I rolled my eyes.

So i went and grab Helen's hands.
"Lets buy. My treat."she accepted.
What a lifesaver.

We bought chocolates and water.-Nice way to start the Diet routine.

When we came, I saw Eric with another girl. I'm used to it. I'm honest. He's a flirt. That's for sure. His presence reminded me of misery. How bad the day was to me. But then the voice of the most special devil called my name.

"Hey Larianne! Are you okay?" Matthew asked.
And just like always, my friends who were there teased me. I'm used to it anyway.
I didn't answer. I could just answer him NO! It's like i had no more voice to say "nope. I'm not okay.", even if it was the truth. Sure, i wasn't okay.

I wanted to breakdown. Since the coldness between the four of us. I felt like my existence was the greatest mistake God made. I feel like i was useless. I doubted if my friends really were my friends.


I went home feeling sick. I change my clothes. I didn't eat a lot again. It's not because of the diet thing. I don't know. It's just that i didn't feel like it. I only ate a waffle.

I ran toward the computer to finish our IP project.And i did. With a big help of Martin.

After that I talked to Matthew. He started it anyway.

"Is Paolo online?" I got confused. He could have answered that. He had Paolo's email.
"Nope." Still i answered.
"Thanks for the concern." I said
"I was joking. It was fun though. You fell in through the trap."
"That wasn't funny. There's time for fun and one for seriousness. It's 2 different things."
"I'm sorry. As if you don't do it too"
"Then fine. Sorry."

I told him i wanted to die.

"Why'd you wanna die? You're just being an EMO."
"Of course not. It's kinda hard explaining to someone who can't understand you.I'll explain tomorrow,"
"Sure.Hey gotta go."
"Yeah. okay bye."
"bye."

Then what's left was to do than think of the things that happened today in school while I'm in my bedroom. I was thinking while listening to music. I started to cry. Darn! This can't be. But i realized i had enough reasons to do so. So i continued to do it. I listened song after song.

I wish there was at least one person who could understand me. I Wished and wished and wished until i closed my little eyes to rest.

What's left installed for me tomorrow?

"Misery" I answered.